Today. I woke up to the sound of my mother fed up with my everyday mess room. There was my auntie also bickering about my brother who did shit in his school.
I was having a good dream actually. Finally I applied for a conference to England, hahahaha. I knew it was funny. It was basically just a joke that I made with a friend of mine. Somehow, I feel like we’re going to make it someday or maybe it’s just me or maybe just her, doing great things like that.
So that just like another kids in this world, I checked my handphone, well quite lot of messages. My score on another subject came out. Somehow I felt like maybe it would be a good score. It turned out not like what I expected. It was just a so so score. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was drowned by a whole situation that happened. My friends got great scores, they did well. I felt like I only did a fool things this semester. I didn’t study well, I was just playing, doing shit for hours, chatting, sleeping in class. I know I’ve been doing bad things and I can’t blame anyone for my bad scores, except my own self.
Negative things just having an intimate interactions in my brain, what would happen with my future? what can I do for the next semester? what should I say to my parent? what should I do? should I learn some in my holiday? These questions whispered in my ears with an echo.
I realized, it was just another failure in my life. I’ve ever had more than this kind of hell. I knew I had a lot of more pressure back then, had a lot to think about, rather than what happened in this semester. All those things I’ve fought before, I could deal with them, I’m still alive and feel positive. I should do the same with what happen with me these days. I can deal it with. If I can’t deal it, what about conference to England? I won’t make it if I keep having a negative thoughts, will I? It would be just another wake up call on my lame morning.
So I’ll think about what happened with me. Maybe I’ll make fishbone diagram to find the root causes, hahahaha. Maybe I’ll leave some things behind and built a new things which will have good influences on me.
You can’t keep a good relationship with me.
I break up with you, sadness.