Curhat · Hidup

I miss you

I would like to say that I’m kind of afraid with the latest year of my life. There has been a lot of new experiences happening since I graduated from high school. Some are nice, some have been making me worried a lot.

When I was in high school, I just had a thought of going to college and so on, living a non-strict life, growing my hair, find a beautiful girl and things.

But things happen unpredictable-ly. I wasn’t accepted on SBMPTN (2015), a test that I had prepared all the way since I started being a senior. Things just being shit since then. I met many kind of people that I never know exist before.

So I started myself to face another SBMPTN (2016), I join an academic on Tebet. Thing’s been changing since then. There’s a lot of things happened, my prespective of life has changed, the way I see people surround me, the way I see my own self.

An what more frightening is the fact that social media is such a scary place right now, things just being spreaded easily, not being filtered, a dogma can be easily dictated into any kind of people.

Ah capek pake inglis. Grammar aja gak bener.

Pas gua SMA, yang gua tau hidup tuh yaudah kayaknya bakalan kayak SMA trus, having fun, kayaknya cara mikir gua udah bener, kayaknya cara mikir gua tentang pacaran udah bener, main bareng temen kayaknya bakalan bisa kapan aja bahkan sampai tua nanti. Gua pikir hidup gua bakalan kayak gitu trus, kayak masa-masa SMA. Indah, bersahaja, gelak tawa, gak banyak mikir, sederhana.

Tapi nggak. Nggak gitu.

Semenjak keluar dari SMA, semua udah sibuk sama urusan kuliah, ada yang kerja, ada yang nganggur, udah susah buat nyocokin waktu buat ngumpul bareng. Pola pikir juga udah mulai beda. Gua yang awalnya merasa pintar dan tahu banyak hal ternyata bukan apa-apa, gua gak pernah peka tentang kaum non-theist, gua gak pernah sadar kalo banyak hal-hal simple yang bisa aja kita salah gitu cara mikirnya. Cara gua ngeliat social media udah beda, cara gua ngeliat post-an temen gua udah beda.

Sekarang, gua cuma bisa mengingat masa-masa kabur ke kamar mandi karena ada razia rambut, atau sekedar ngeliat dia di sebrang kelas, atau pergi ke teater bareng gebetan, atau main futsal bareng, atau berantem karena hal sepele.

Some has passed, and I miss most part of it. What if I die in that blossom time of us? Would it be nice not to know this scary world?

Peterpan once said, “don’t grow up. It’s a trap.”



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